It has been awhile and honestly...i'm not that sorry. I'm glad that I'm understanding more about my friends. I feel like i knew nothing about them untill this summer started...the summer before senior year before we all move on and apart. It's not really a depressing subject it's more...enlighting. I feel so much more matured then i did a few weeks ago. I understand so much but know so little and it's such an odd sensation. I'm syced for senior year, moving out, and going to collage. I still know nothing about were I'm going. 
   My only fear is I'll end up no where. With no one. With nothing in my possetion but my soul. and I feel like my soul is clean...clensed. 
I'm proud of myself. I quit and cut almost all the drama out of my life and it feels good. I feel like I've mellowed somehow and that because I have I have a greater chance to be what I want to be without the complications of problems or emotional baggage. I feel so good about it I want to try and make a blog. There will be no cut downs on people who make me mad or upset. Just me talking about what I want and what I believe. Weather it be religon, relationships, family, collage, phobias, books, or food.

My new site link is blogs-of-freedom.webs.com/

I will update and blog as often as I can and if you really wish to read and help me with topics for each bloggin entry let me now by droping me a txt, comment, or geust book at my site.

Really thats all I wanted to say so tootaloo

I know its been uber forever since I've been on here and updated but not many things have happened.

-I still dont have a car
- kroger still sucks
- grades slightly improving
- still bettering myself
- portfolio finished
- maybe getting a new job
- so tire

Thats the jist of it.

I did have the alternitive prom sunday night and cuz my date bailed i had to take someone else...ug. it was still amazingly fun. there was half an hour of crossdressers lipsinging, dancing, and fire breathing. OH! and the fire breathing drag queen stapled money to her body....was EPIC! I danced the whole night. I'm so glad people in g.s.a.s dislike rap cuz it wasnt played at ALL durring prom. it was eleco dance song after electro pop song and no slow songs. It felt like a club and i have to say...I love gay boys <3

Sadly my thighs hurt lika bitch from the 4 hours straight of dancing T-T
mega frowny face.
But the whole expereace remeinded me about how much I love music and dancing even though I dance horridly and lika skank. oh wells.

txt me. call me. comment if yahs wants tah talks

I'm Angry

I'm sad

I'm stressed

I want art to burn and me along with it



very emo of me I know

So as some of you may know... I went to my friend Ch.'s 21st birthday tonight and I was responsible in the fact that I didn't let anyone pressure me or that I didn't drink like a dumb ass. Sadly I did drink a little. I had to leave the party at 11 so at 8 I drunk less then a half of a pussy wine cooler and it completely wore off by the time I had to leave (thank you higher being, sorry mom). but when I had to leave I was so worried about 2 guys that I care a shit loud about. M. (only one of you probably knows him) drank 3 beers and 2 shots and was freaking drunk so I was helping him all night so he wouldn't hurt him self, he kept saying he was a jerk and I told him no because I'm his friend and I accept all the bad and good that comes with him. And my friend C. who's practicly my freaking brother had 6 beers from 8 or 9 to 11 and I was worried he'd drink more and hurt himself so I told W. (andother brother) and A. (M's bro B.) to keep an eye on them and both C. and M. swore to me they wouldn't drink anymore. thankfully nether of them will be driving tonight.

Sorry to say this to the internet world all like this but I wanted to say something cuz it worries me sometimes and I really wanted to cry when I left thinking about if they had another drink and things got worse b/c I wasn't there to stop them or help them to not hurt themselves. I actually thought about leaving at the very begining of the party but I didn't (stupid girl)

Anyways morgan's been outa commition, LOVE YOU HONEY HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER! and I still and trying to at least atempt to move on from the Deeg.

He called me "yays!"
I asked him "y?" he called and he said to hear my voice

"awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!"


so yah, eventful night -_-'''


Ima sleep now and try not to freak my shit on what might happen while I'm not at that party

wish me luck!

~Isabelle
Gabrielle Suzanne Joubert

LEAVE A COMMENT AND I'LL...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. I'll tell you my favorite thing about you.
9. I'll tell you my least favorite thing about you.
10. If you play, you MUST post this on yours.



On another note crappy ass break down from hell yesterday...-_- ugh. I was thinking all yesterday then at work yesterday I was like "shit....this really sucks" and It's so odd you know...cuz I haven't (surprisingly) felt this way in forever and on the way to morgan's to finish our project I was bawling...higher being knows I hate it... and I couldn't NOT talk to myself about everything. I guess what I need is to sit down and have an hour type rant session or just talk to myslef. I won't bother you guys with the details of my life unless you ask.

I still don't think right now that I have the right to talk about personal problems with everyone or A person but I will clue you guys in once and a while ;)
But I'm kinda of afraid of my life at this point. I still love him so much but I need to move on some how while he's liing in utah. It would really help if it didn't feel like i was cheating everytime i see a guy I think is cute or even kinda like. People tell me to just get a guy, any guy, that I need to get over DJ cuz they think he's a loser or bad for me. I don't think he is. I think back and every time we broke up I would make a huge attempt to improve myself so I can be his friend at LEST and it's really made me a little more mature each time. He makes me better

tonight will be the night I'll fall inlove with you
over again.

Have you ever been one of those paranoid people to wonder why you exist and why people know you? Have you ever just stoped to think "Maybe what I have to say isn't as important as what another has to say or even at all." I have always thought that what I have to say should wait untill other say what they need and feel better. What good is it to vent about my week from hell when some of the people I love have been poor, angry, raped, kicked out, rejected, or even hit? This whole week I've held my tounge cuz I truely care about everyone. Even my horrid mother. I still don't think I have a right to bitch because some people I know are still going through some shit and I believe I should be there for them. I won't cry, I won't hurt myself, I won't complain, I won't bat an eye untill their pain is relieved, cuz believe it or not I love you. weather you know it or not or even want it. I love all of you guys. Even if you use me, abuse me, hate me, or love me back I will always love you. All I ask is that when the time comes for me to open up I have a loveing hand to hold and a listening ear and a warm embrace wouldn't hurt. I just wanted to say that.

only that.



and I love you all please remember that.


<<Isabelle>>
Gabrielle Suezanne Joubert

   so yah..grades blow out the fucking hormonal teenager who is gay and lives in california where the terminator termanated gay marrage.... not a good thing! I hate grades, I hate finals, and I hate PSAT scores...

on another note mrs. corey chose one of my poems for her magizine and even loved the poem called "Beings" which is about human vs. alien probable behavior (darn you morgan and your extraterestral influence!) ...very intellagent and awesome XD

well...if I cant be a bunny then I am sooooooo I suicide girl!!!! Love them ^-^

think I'd make a good one?

...party rocked....look at morgan's entry


and I think I wanna be a playboy bunny

 fuck Mrs. G.
She is a ho.
Also, Everybody Have Fun Tonight.








MY SUBJECT IS T.


p.s.- morgan wrote from she is a ho down

Why am I hear?
This abyss-like hell
I am me
and there he be
a singing dove
(a screaming raven)
Why is it I try?
only to hide
(Stupid and craven)
The love is there
(always has been)
to late we start
and now we depart
from one another once again
into this abyss-like hell
While you jump the crevous
( I'll stay behind)
you'll flourish and grow
(while I wither and die)
You'll be happy for "shore"
on the other side
Why is it we laugh?
this last outstanding day together
I cry behind my thickened lences
While we may never
be together again

DAMN this abyss-like hell!
This rotting cage!
This cliff-hanging nail!
This lightning closer to my heat of hearts

As I rant and rave you gallantly smile
and love
and hug
and kiss
Your thoughtful gift forever close to my heart.
(I cried you know)
I'll be strong for you!
You champions of cheers!
You king of peers!
You God of seers!

Your harem of woman await your return
while this one weeps and tries to turn
over her new leaf
for you I try

I love you
Now till the day I die

I haven't been on in forever...like 13 weeks but woot! posting now! I am in virginia...weird right? and it rocks here...think I wanna move here!

They have an OUTDOOR mall...its just so dang pretty with all those white lights hanging from the top above the brick walkways and the bushes and flowers EVERYWHERE...le sigh~
Also 2 story borders!!!! OMFG!

So a little deppressing subject, DJ moves on Wednesday T-T.
I really don't want him to but he wants to and I am happy that if he moves that its at a place he likes. I'm trying ever so hard to be calm about it as pryer to 3 months ago when he told me and I ended up crying in his arms for half an hour. I do love him... alot! You know that feeling you get when you get your first kiss? or maybe when you got that long wished for christmas persent? or your first car? your best friend hugs you? when someone says "I love you" for the first time ever and they absolutly mean it? how about when you have your hallmark? Thats how I feel! I feel so comfortable with him. I dont hide anything, I dont try to be something I am not, I just melt into his arms. GOD! I am being such a girl...lmao I am one but you know what I mean.

We desided once he moves we will be friends.


it will be hard if we do the long distance thing again so I think this is for the best.






On a happier note!
M-O-R-G-A-N!!!!!!!
you fucking rock with a passion of 20 japanese boys and some little korean insest rappers thrown in!
...dont hate masterbate!
I am so happy me and her talk and hang in the art class of DOOM! it's kind of bonding ^-^


blah ok I gotta stop my aunts kicking me off! Dont know when I'll be on next so syanara!!!

FOR YOU MORGAN!!!


Bio Poem

Three adjectives ( may be words, phrases, or clauses) that describe you

Lover of (or who loves)

Who believes

Who wants

Who needs

Who fears

Who feels

Resident of

Surprisingly happy for once. Reminiscing of middle school and everything me and morgan use to have. So fucking happy I get to hang with her more. Also thinking of the E-rin. Missing her but it's still cool, hoping to hear from her or something cool like that.

For those who don't know i have a license. driving is fun but very scary. almost wrecked today, but the scary wreck that fucks you more like a hilarious one that you laugh about for years.

My bangs are pink and it is amazing. I find myself obsessing with lolita more and more these days and I really wanna dress like those cute girls one day in my long ass lifetime. So cute.

I seem to wonder more about my future now then ever before. I feel so passionate about art but find myself wishing and wondering if I really am as good as I thought I was. Granted I am better and have improved tremendously, I still feel as though I am lacking somewhat. I love odd fashions and sewing but I feel so self-councios when I walk around in my own real clothes at work. I feel as though they think I am a freak. I also worry about college now. How the hell am I to pay for it? I probly won't get the hope scholarship or an art one from a competion since I never enter anything good enough to win. Mom makes me pay for everything I do. I even have to buy and make my own dinners. Will I have to pay for college on my own too? Will I become homeless like him? Will I move any to virginia too and be miserable?  what if I don't become an artist because no one likes my stuff.

Honesty is scary shit. How can I worry about all that and still want to proceed? I also want to stay in that little corner with my true friends. and in my heart I always will be at the corner. I always will be an anime junky or an obnoxiously loud chick... so what! I love being me and finally am comfortable with everything I do! I also love the fact that I can't spell, and that I can't write beautiful stories like morgan, or make amazing breath taking art like her or any of the other girls in my a.p./adv. art class. I also love the fact that no matter how hard I search, there is no one exactly like me...and that makes me one of a kind and unique. And I love that. And I love you all for reading and listening to me everyday and sticking by me when everything turns to hell. Thank you and I love you

(P.S- thank you morgan for getting lolita stuck in my head and I did watch the vid.)

so I got my schedule thingy...here

Semy 1
Eng II - Corey
Ecology $ Conserv. - Jenkins ( woot!!!)
Adv. Art - Galetovic (AMAZING! and with Morgan)
US History - Elmore

Semy 2
French I - Kennedy
Textiles & Apprl. - Peake ( YOSH! With Eli)
Adv. Honers Art -Galetovic (Morgan again)
Algebra II - Strickland
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    So on a different note I changed my hair again. It's pretty cool but I still have yet a way to keep money OUT of my hands long enough to buy my blue dye. Also it's long as FUCK now and that's really irritating. I think I might get it cut soon.

    ALSO I found out on the 4th that Darcy's here and I get to go hang with her on Friday. I wanna talk to her and see how both she and Erynn have been. God I miss that girl with the white hot intensity of a thousand burning suns. Also I wanna see the X files movies cuz man does that girl love her sci-fi.

    Nothing much else to report. The only thing that has happened over the summer that bothered me was that Harrison was hitting on me when he came to hang out and that (yes I know) DJ didn't wanna come over and see me. I also wanna hang with Morgan and Eli again. Like just the 3 of us.

    So I also am getting my license on the 22nd and my car finally won't be sitting in dust!!!

    That is all folks! And thaks fer reading my journal. I might not post for a reeeeally long time... again.

    so haven't exactly been on in... forever but I am trying. I am ever so happy that I got to talk to Eli and work things out. I believe if your mad or have a bone to pick with someone the best thing to do is talk it out with said person(s).

    on a more suck-ish note... mom is forcing me to go BACK to the fucking phyc. doc. woopie.

    And I actually don't have anything else to say but that it's summer and I am so bored already. I miss Erynn like a homo misses his lil fuck buddy and I wanna hang with Morgan and Eli again. Cuz last time I was an utterly huge dick and yes I apologize. Le sigh.

    I also found this weird german chick online who remaid the pussycat song "dont cha" and made a video... damn the hot model.
here is the link http://www.videocommunity.com/pc/pc/mypics/4014/display/7562

How does a heart break in me?
In little pieces?
So painful and heavenly?

Little girls rip out there hearts
To be close to you
I do something for the start

I put my heart together
To learn how to love
how to trust
how to just be me

then suddenly
oh so suddenly
YOU ALL TURN!

Emotions ain't pretty
and I'm not either
anger,rage, and a little bit of disire

life gives you changes
turns if you will
ones I won't be taking
that's for others to full fill

I'm done making choices that blow up in my face
I done solving fights with peole who hate me
I feel like time goes by I'm just another waste-
of space to you

I put my heart together
To learn how to love
how to trust
how to just be me

then suddenly
oh so suddenly

I'm not there